Guardian Angel

It's been a few weeks now, so I feel like I can post this without getting too much flack from those that love me. Trust me, I know that I deserve all the flack you want to instill upon me. Perhaps a hug would also do...
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It is Monday, March 15th and I am drafting this post about a revelation I had last evening. I am not certain when I will actually set this message free, because I know it will deeply worry some people. Therefore, I need to put some distance between the event and the knowledge of it. Right now it is a little too raw for me, and I think I would be uncomfortable if someone asked me about. Maybe in a few days, a week...whenever you are reading this...I will have come to terms. 

I was in Virginia last night. I met a friend for dinner in Greensboro and then decided to hear him play at an open mic event in Martinsville, VA. I knew it was going to be a challenge on a school night, but he seemed worth the lack of sleep I knew would be inevitable. I wanted to hang out with interesting people that evening, and he and his friends seemed like the right crowd.


He is an outstanding drummer and I truly had a lot of fun watching and listening to him play. We then hung out for a couple hours afterward...literally just driving around and talking. I felt like I was back in high school as there was such an innocence about spending time together with someone in that capacity. Nothing more, nothing less; just talking and enjoying the company of another.

I left around 2.30a...way, way later than I had intended. I was tired, a bit wired, and completely sober. I thought I was doing okay driving alone on the dark roads, when the sheer exhaustion just hit me shortly after 3a. I convinced myself to keep driving until 3.30a, and then stop somewhere for gas and a short walk. I opened up the sunroof, cranked the music, and kept going at a nice steady clip of about 90 MPH. This is the way I love to drive, and I felt damn good about it. Drive on.

It was about 3.17a when I must have fallen asleep. Not just a "snap your head back, eyes shut for a second" catnap, but a full-blown fast asleep while driving moment. I woke up as my car was entering a steep embankment and bouncing across the grass towards the guardrail. Snap awake, eyes open, loud noises, damn, damn, damn...Instinct kicks in. Faster pussycat. Yank steering wheel and veer from the rail immediatley on my right and back the opposite direction, Large sign inches in front of me. Grassy mound ahead of me and now the car begins to tilt. Damn, damn, damn. Pay attention pussycat. Pay some freaking attention. Snap back.

I honestly and terrifyingly thought my poor VW was going to flip. Grass, guardrail, sign, hill, metal. Grass, guardrail, sign, hill, metal. Road, where the freaking hell is the road???????? Control. Find the control pussycat. Get. Your. Shit. Together. Now.

Everything happened so fast. It was loud, and visual, and nauseating. As I finally came back onto the freeway, I literally threw the car in park and just sat and breathed. Perhaps hyperventilating is the better word. There were no lights or other cars anywhere in sight. I was certain I had hit the guardrail, as the noise was still reverberating in my head. I thought I should have a flat tire.  I could smell my brakes and the awful stench of rubber. I didn't think me or the car could drive. But we did. Drive pussycat. Drive to safety and figure out how f'd up you really are.


I don't know why I didn't just get out of the car there to inspect the damage. "Miss Instant Gratification" should have done so. I just needed to drive away from that spot. NOW. My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding and I was on the brink of tears. I could have been on four blown tires and I would have kept going.


My first thought? WTF am I going to tell Allstate? I had JUST gotten my vehicle back the week before after having side-swiped a parked Escalade and incurring $5000 worth of repairs. This damage was going to be on the same freaking side they JUST FIXED. Damn it, I am an idiot and now Allstate is going to know it.


As I pulled into the nearest gas station I contemplated who I could call. Who would want to hear from me at this ungodly hour if I were going to truly be stranded? Do I have any friends that would drive to Virginia to get me?


I walked around to the passenger side of the car to look at the mess I had made. I just stared. Shock and awe overtook me. I stood there under the bright fluorescent lights for what seemed like an hour. Then I cried. A shocking and sudden force of tears just rolled down my face. Stare. Cry. Moan. Hold it together pussycat.

There was not one scratch on my car. Not one freaking scratch. I had managed to narrowly miss the guardrail completely. I don't know how. I don't know the hell that was true. I could still HEAR myself, FEEL myself, SEE myself hit that damn guardrail. I could still feel the car try and flip. Apart from the massive amounts of grass and dirt I found in my wheel wells and stuck in my grill, you wouldn't know that I had just gone through the single most frightening moment of my life.


Something or someone is trying to tell me something. Slow down. Wake up. Reassess. Prioritize. Too many risks; not enough self-preservation. Second chances rarely roll into thirds.


Every time that singular moment of waking up pops into my head, I get cold. My heart starts pounding and I feel fear. Guardian Angel...you are screaming...and I hear you loud and clear. Pull it together pussycat.

Holidays with the Iona Pig

Despite traveling over 2000 miles by car, sleeping in two hotels and two strange houses, temporarily living with two other dogs, having to pee in the snow, and being surrounded by lots of new small people, Iona handled her Christmas adventure surprisingly well.

With all the time she's spent in my car this year, she's adapted nicely to napping while in motion.

Her snow face. She looked this way every time we told her to go outside and pee. Seriously? Out there? Where's the grass?

Learning to share was the theme of the season. I think my Mom and Michael often felt like they were channeling the Dog Whisperer. Lexi only attacked Iona twice...once she definitely deserved it. Luca on the other hand is probably very grateful he gets his ENTIRE couch back.

Iona went running off the front porch on Christmas morning, only to discover the snow was higher than she was. Fortunately my dad was there to rescue her!

Our godson Will thought Iona needed a glass of water on Christmas. The best part was that she immediately started drinking from it. I guess all those years of stealing wine from people's glasses has paid off.

My favorite Christmas portrait - Michael and Iona, and Elizabeth and Luca. I still claim that Elizabeth and Iona are actually twins trapped in very different bodies. "I love you; I bite you. I love you; I bite you."

Thanks to everyone for letting her participate in Christmas. The grumpy quake pig appreciated not spending the holidays with the cats and a pet sitter. She was also grateful that Lexi the Black Lab didn't cause a trip to the vet. She feels she's been there enough this year. Happy Holidays!

Six degrees of Sedaris

Before we left for our roadtrip, we needed to decide on our hardwood stain. The Sedaris guys had been working there for a few days and we admittedly loved seeing their sign in our front yard. We felt a little honored. I wanted to steal the sign, but I was sober and Michael only tolerates drunken klepto moments.

On Wednesday and Thursday they sanded, and you could already see the big impact! We had hope walking through the House and seeing walls AND floors! Oh, I may have neglected to mention last week that most of the walls were repaired and plastered. The House actually retains heat.

On Thursday the Sedaris guys finished the sanding and provided us with a stain sample buffet. They had about twelve options stained in swatches on the dining room floor. We went in separately and made our decision, as not to influence each other. We fortunately choose 2 out of 3 colors the same, and made our choice from there. Gunstock it is. Medium color with deep red tones. It is the second color from the right.

We went over Friday night and peeked at the floors. We weren't allowed to walk on them, so we peered in through the front door...they will be glorious! The poly will go on this weekend and they'll be completely ready by the time we return. Giddy girl. Merry Christmas to me.

So we made it to Wisconsin. The drive was fine...long, but fine. We listened to the other Sedaris brother recite "Me Talk Pretty One Day" which helped pass the time. We'll be up here freezing our asses off this entire next week. If my posts are coming in slow, it is because my fingers fell off due to frostbite and I am figuring out how to type with my thumbs.